i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
