its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
