if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
