My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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