last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
