marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
