u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
