My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
