he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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