everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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