Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
