i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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