but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
