i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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