the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
