I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
