How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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