Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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