The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
