Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
