I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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