google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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