I am in a vortex of obligation.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
