There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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