Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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