you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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