I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
