I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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