I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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