respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You smell like a Billy Joel song
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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