dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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