Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
