you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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