This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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