ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
