but the lizard people decide everything anyway
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
