i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
