You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
