That's intense
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
