we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
