Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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