Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Let's get the cat blown out
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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