My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
