So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
do nipples grow back?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
