i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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