It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
