shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
