If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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