The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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