if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
