Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
