Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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